yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
