nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
