could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
