why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
