i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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