she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
