Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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