Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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