You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
