Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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