The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
