last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
