it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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