i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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