Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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