yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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