I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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