this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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