you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
