drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available