i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?