Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
