Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
