I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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