yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
