When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
