I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Someone shit on the floor
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
