How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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