dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
