The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
