I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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