My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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