just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
