Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
