Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
