every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
