Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize