all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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