she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
