I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
