can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize