it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
