I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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