DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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