I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
