i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
