My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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