dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
