If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
