do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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