the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
