so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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