My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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