he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
