They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
