You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
