And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
