i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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