mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
