There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
