It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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