Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
