wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
